Gilt Taste spoils buds

Spoiler alert! Gilt Taste is free but plan on spending some serious scratch if you want to order anything. If your idea of fine dining is the appetizer menu at TGIF, then you probably want to pass. But if you even dream of an evening of dining that begins with Johnny Walker Blue 1 at the bar followed by Kajiki Sashimi appetizers, a main course of milk-fed Yorkshire beef with prawn salad and Japanese mountain yams paired with a Chateau Lafitte Rothschild Pauillic and topped off with artisan cheeses and a Screaming Eagle Port, then you might find everything in Gilt Taste. Four Stars.

I made the mistake of introducing my father to Pancho's Mexican Buffet in high school. It was a time in my life when the idea of stuffing six cardboard tacos, a dozen rubber enchiladas, a tasteless chile relleno and decent sopapillas appealed to the inner belly of adoloescence. When I was pushing forty he still thought it was my favorite restaurant because it became his favorite restaurant when he realized he pick up the tab and, no matter what I ate, it cost five dollars. And since it was a buffet, he didn't have to leave a tip.

He's been gone for twenty years now and I miss him, but I don't miss Panchos. Still, I can't help but feeling that if he were alive today and picked up my iPad with Gilt Taste open and then actually looked at the prices of the featured foods, he would have keeled over dead from a heart attack, dropped my iPad and broken it.

Then his ghost would come back and ask me how I could let him break an $800 iPad. And then he would ask me what would possess me to spend $800 on an oversized iPhone that doesn't even make calls.

I love Gilt Taste even though I can't afford ninety percent of the items in there. The good news is, Gilt Taste is more than a digital catalogue for foods only Mitt Romney could afford. It also offers some amazing recipes such as three-pepper gazpacho and duckfat thyme popcorn. These are affordable.

Alas, the app needs a front-facing camera so it won't work on the iPad 1. These may seem unfair, but one of the best features of the app is touch free navigation. No one wants to get egg yolk or gazpacho on their iPads so home chefs can navigate through the recipe stages by swiping their hands before the front-facing camera.

Not only will you find some exotic recipes, but you can swipe through them hands-free while you cook. But you will need an iPad with a front facing camera just to download the app.

Of course, if you don't want to see yourself covered in cake batter and melted butter, you may want to avoid this feature because you also get to see yourself in the camera view.

The real point of the app, however, is to get you so hungry you'll go straight to the store to buy stuff. And, as I said earlier, most of this stuff is expensive. You will find a few artisan jams and cheeses that sell for less than $15, but the focus is on high-end luxury items that you can't get in most catalogues.

The shopping items are well beyond the price range of most Republicans, although they are well within the price range of the politicians they elect. We're talking sixty dollar bottles of wine and two hundred dollar lamb chops.

You would expect an app featuring high end gourmet items to be slick and colorful and Gilt Taste certainly meets all expectations for eye candy. The designers use too many different backgrounds, making scrolling from page to page a little jarring, but even the backgrounds are subtle and provide great contrast to the images.

Scrolling the Gilt Taste reminds me of flipping through the Sears catalogue and drooling over presents my parents would never spring for. Or like being 13 and thumbing through Playboy. Actually, more like Playboy because there was a remote chance something in the Sears catalogue would cost less than $5.

I would, however, like to see more recipes and fewer catalogue items.

Jenny Manytoes rates Gilt Taste

Jenny Manytoes would purr next to Gilt Taste. It's really a catalogue but it's well produced and there are just enough recipes to make it worthwhile. Best of all, the app is hands free so you don't get your iPad filthy in the kitchen.

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System

Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat
  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she's in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she's very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it's okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don't think I need to explain this one.

1I only mention Johnny Walker Blue (a fifth now since three pints missed in a row should at least be worth a fifth) because Carol has been asking me what I want for my birthday three years in a row and still somehow doesn't remember.back


About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
This entry was posted in 5 Stars - Biscuits, Entertainment, Recipes, Shopping and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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