No rush to resolve New Year’s Present Panic

Spoiler alert! This is only a new year’s game because they couldn’t sell it for Christmas. Don’t bother.

Tomorrow night is New Year’s Eve. Why are you reading this blog? You should be planning your pre-party activities and what you intend to do when the party dies. You should be rooting for someone in one of the endless bowl games this season. You should be thinking which resolutions you intend to break when you make them next year.Or, as I do, devising fool proof resolutions like I do. For instance: I resolve not to watch any NFL football during lent. I resolve to think about a new diet at least once. I resolve to run twice as many marathons as I did last year (in my case, none).But you shouldn’t be reading this blog. I planned to start my winter break early this year. After all, it’s game day Friday and how many New Year’s games can there be? I really stretched the limit to pull Truth or Dare out of the bag for last year’s New Years game day review.So I searched for “New Years” in AppShopper to see if I could find any game listings. I expected none. I ended up finding New Year’s Present Panic and it’s free twin New Year’s Present Panic Lite. Oh well.New Year’s Present Panic barely qualifies as a game. You tap the screen as many times as you can to collect “New Year’s presents.” What the hell are New Year’s presents? I’ve never heard of them. Anyway, you tap on Frosty the snowman as often as you can. A present falls from the sky for every tap.

Tap on frosty and presents fall. Then they go away. That’s it.

You don’t really catch any presents. They just fall on the snow and disappear. After a minute, it’s game over. Then you start over again. Honestly, this sounds more like a Christmas game someone couldn’t sell. So they made it a New Year’s game. Like that would fool anybody.

When time runs out you see your score.

The free game has ads. The deluxe game has none. That’s the difference. If you have to try it, download the free game. I don’t think you’ll be tempted to pay.

Jenny Manytoes rates New Year’s Present Panic

Jenny Manytoes would cover New Year’s Present Panic in the litter box. Then the other cats will kick it out. Then Chutney, the neanderthal dog, will come along to do something disgusting with the kitty treat because that’s what dogs do. Then she’ll leave it behind because it’s too disgusting for dogs.I will feel bad about this review if the developer is a seventh grader who did it for class. Then I would have to say, “Good going, kid. Stick to selling cookies door-to-door until you take some more classes.” Unfortunately for Pocket Books, the developer, I checked. We’re not talking seventh grade; they have a lot of apps. They have no excuse except a rush to kick another app out the door. The link to their site from the App Store doesn’t even work.

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System

Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat
  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she’s in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she’s very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it’s okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don’t think I need to explain this one.

About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
This entry was posted in 1 star - The Litter box, Entertainment, Games, Seasonal and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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