Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds is a definite turkey

Spoiler alert! Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds plays turkey sounds. If you want to do something else, buy a different app. If it was free, it might be worth the download, but for $1 Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds is a pass.

Holidays provide the excuse for developers to release apps that would never be released otherwise. Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds is one of those apps.I posted this review today because it’s Thanksgiving and by the time you get around to reading this you probably won’t care if I posted or not. I don’t blame you.By this time you will have finished dinner, unbuckled your pants and already have had at least one major confrontation with at least one family member. If you haven’t, you’ll be working yourself up for it.I was raised Baptist Preacher’s Kid (BPK), so in my family our weapon of choice would be guilt. Other families throw insults and mud. We remind each other how much we disappointed Jesus, and, by association, each other.That’s why guilt in Baptist families is so much worse than, say, Jewish or agnostic families. It’s one thing to disappoint your mother because you weren’t the world-saving evangelist you were supposed to be, but to disappoint Jesus? I would much rather have simply not gone to medical or law school like other kids failed to do.It’s one thing to still not have paid your brother-in-law back after your sister twisted his arm to cough up that loan to keep the car from being repossessed. But Jesus wants us to be good stewards, and if I couldn’t make the car payment, he wasted his crucifixion.That’s why Carol and I started conducting dinner on neutral territory. We would find a restaurant that served Thanksgiving dinner, one family members couldn’t possibly complain about (especially if we picked up the tab). We discovered that when family is surrounded by large screen TVs and total strangers, they’re always on best behavior.So the last thing you want to think about on Thanksgiving is a new app, especially another holiday app. That’s why I chose to review Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds.Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds is simple. You open the app and see a turkey with 14 buttons for 14 different turkey sounds. No, this isn’t completely accurate, because the 14 buttons cover the picture of the turkey so that you only see parts of a turkey. Touch each sound and the app plays it back until you touch the “stop” button.That’s all there is to Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds. The sounds are a little different, but after a while they become indistinguishable.At first the app wouldn’t play back any turkey sounds at all, which meant this would get a really bad review. I rebooted, then deleted and reinstalled and then rebooted without getting any sound. I planned to trash the app pretty soundly. Then I realized iOS 5 had reset the “lock screen” button to the default “mute” setting.I wasn’t impressed with any of the sounds, but I acknowledge that I’m not a true turkey aficionado. I get pissed off when I’m listening to Philip Glass and people tell me all his stuff sounds the same. It does, but the people complaining couldn’t make any same-sounding music sound as good as Philip Glass. Or different-sounding music either. If they could, they would know better than to complain that his music sounds the same.

How much confidence can you have in an app that doesn’t even name the sounds? Couldn’t they at least do, “Gobble” or “screech”?

That being said, if you think all Philip Glass’ music sounds the same, you’ll definitely feel the same way about the turkey sounds. Unlike me, I doubt you’ll sense the irony of that either.It dawned on me, however, that the mute button could make the app into a great joke on a family member. Make sure the other family members are in on the joke, and when he or she enters the room press the different sounds while the mute button is on. The other family members can discuss how authentic and real each sound is. They can even compare the differences in timbre and pitch. That would be good for a laugh.But I wouldn’t spend a dollar for it. I’m not even sure I would download it for free.

Jenny Manytoes rates Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds

Jenny left the room. She’s trying to hide a turkey bone from Chutney so she can gnaw on it later, which means I need to find it because turkey bones are bad for dogs and cats.Thanksgiving Turkey Sounds gets no stars at all. I feel bad because I know the developer believed they were delivering something special. If the developer is in their first public school programming class, good for them. Hopefully the family will pretend to be awed.If they graduated from college with a degree in programming, they shouldn’t include this app in their portfolio. And if they get hired by the government, we’re doomed.

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System

Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat
  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she’s in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she’s very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it’s okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don’t think I need to explain this one.

About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
This entry was posted in 0 Stars—Total Waste, Entertainment, Seasonal and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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