Zombie Smash HD: I see finger cramps in your future.

Spoiler alert! Zombie Smash allows you to smash, pummel, grind, dice, shoot, punt, drop kick and otherwise reduce zombies to little puddles of blood and gore. Or you die. To some this may sound disgusting, but I can’t imagine one that better describes what a zombie game should do.

Of all the zombie games I’ve played, only a handful hold my interest after a level. I’ve only played one through to the end, and Zombie Smash HD isn’t one of them. But I’ve played about half the levels, and, when I’m really bored I can kill time with it and not feel cheated.

So let’s get to the bottom line. In Zombie Smash HD, players can launch month-long campaigns or stage a frenzied last stand. They can even play with friends (or at least a random match from the Game Center). They face dozens of mindless zombies from level one, all determined to swarm, dismember and eat.

The zombies become tougher, quicker and deadlier with every level, but that should be expected. What’s the point of killing the same zombie over and over for sixty or more levels? Zombie Smash HD uses your finger as its main weapon, however. If all else fails, you can smash the zombies with as many fingers as you can tap until their limbs squirm randomly in pools of blood.

If your visceral reaction to this last sentence is “eeew,” then you can skip the rest of this review. The game will offer nothing to redeem itself in your eyes. You won’t save heartwarming kittens or puppies. You just make things die.

For those readers undaunted by the thought of cartoon carnage, it should be obvious that you can’t keep stopping zombies by finger stomping them. Sooner or later you need new help. You can get help by unlocking a stash of new weapons and level cheats. How do you unlock that stash? Pay for it, of course, through an in-app purchase.

The in-app purchases give access to cool weapons and cheats. If you’re willing to pony up for even more money. So the question is, how much do you want to smash zombies?

The weapons available are extensive and amazing, from any combination of rifles and rocket launchers to bricks and pianos, meteor showers, soccer shoes and grenades. You can kill zombies with laser beams, loud noises and tossing manhole covers like frisbees. The only problem is that you can’t get access all at once, even when you unlock them. The weapons pop up at random and once used you can’t use them again until a new one shows up.

When you wipe out the zombies the camera goes into slow motion so you can watch the heads and limbs bounce around in their visceral glory.

Once you reach the last zombie, the game goes into slow motion mode where you can squash, kick and batter it until nothing is left. You can dole out punishment in a sequence that would make Tarantino drool.

You can also experiment in the sandbox, discovering which weapons are most likely to overcome which Zombie. And some are practically unkillable.

The game currently has two 30-day campaigns—one in Lost Hills, an isolated rural cabin, and the second in an urban fortress called Camp Nowhere. In addition to sudden-death survival mode, players can pick their weapons and zombies in a practice sandbox to discover which weapons match which zombies best. This can take a while because some zombies are almost indestructible.

Zombie Smash HD isn’t my cup of tea, but for players who like this kind of carnage and action games, it don’t get much better.

Jenny Manytoes rates Zombie Smash HD

Jenny Manytoes would make biscuits all over Zombie Smash HD. She likes to kill rats, Zombie Smash HD players like to kill zombies. Both take great pleasure in doling out punishment to mindless pests.

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System

Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat

  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she’s in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she’s very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it’s okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don’t think I need to explain this one.

About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
This entry was posted in 5 Stars - Biscuits, Entertainment, Games, In-App Purchases and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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