Blow Up Frog purely puerile

Spoiler alert! Are you a boy between the ages of 10 and fifteen who loves fart noises and watching animals blow up in cartoons? Do you love anything novel, dumb and gross that you can show to your friends just so you can see how grossed out they are? Unless you belong to either demographic, you might as well forget Blow Up Frog. It’s not quite litter worthy, but it’s close.

Then again, I was talking to my dental hygienist last week and she loved The Hangover. Carol and I finally watched it and laughed our asses off. And we loved The Aristocrats which was about as gross a movie as I can imagine.

So maybe the audience for Blow Up Frog is bigger than I anticipated when I wrote the spoiler.

I find it ironic that Casey Anthony was found not guilty just a day or two before I wrote this post. It seems to me that in a few weeks (or days, or even tonight since Bill Maher is returning after a two week absence), there will be a slew of jokes as tasteless as the ones following the OJ trial. Yes, there are jokes about the prosecutor and jury already circulating on Leno and Letterman, but they won’t really be tasteless until they take on Casey herself.

If you’re angry about the verdict you really haven’t been following the trial. As bad as her defense attorneys were (guaranteed incompetence appeal should she have been convicted) the best the prosecution could do was prove she was guilty of something. And the jury found her guilty of something.

So now that she’s headed to a light sentence, and not lethal injection, I imagine we will be hearing some jokes that are extremely puerile. Almost, but not quite as puerile as Blow Up Frog.

Oh, what the hell. Let’s throw a few out:

  • Casey’s mother just told her she was supposed to take the baby out of the Pampers first.
  • Casey Anthony wants to be the official Duct Tape spokesperson.
  • The state of Florida is hiring Gilbert Godfried to tell Casey Anthony jokes so every one will forget they dropped the rattle.
  • Up next: A photo of Casey Anthony in Bruno Mali slippers.
  • Casey has been consulting OJ about trial tips though inter prison mail. Now she’ll be asking about how to steal sports memorabilia
  • Casey is trying to sell a tell all book, but it’s all been told already.
  • Maxim and Playboy are competing to sign Casey for a photo shoot. She aired most of her business in court, she might as well air the rest of it.
  • Once she learned Casey Anthony got off with three years, Lindsay Lohan wanted to try for the hat trick.
  • Wait a minute. Where’s the other kid?
  • Wait a minute. Where’s the other kid?
  • Rush Limbaugh’s next headline: If Obama wasn’t President Casey would have gotten life.
  • Ann Coulter’s next book title: Infanticidal.

They’ll get better with time and polish.

You may remember a previous post where Carol reintroduced the word puerile to our every day vocabulary. Lately it seems that “puerile” describes more and more of what we see on TV and play on our iPads. For instance, the first Republican Presidential debate seemed puerile and pointless (although it didn’t have enough farts for teenage boys to watch).

Blow Up Frog seems positively and purely puerile. And quite often, in the case of the poor frog, positively purely posthumously puerile.

Hold the frog with your finger while the game stuffs a straw up the poor frog’s behind and blow. That’s it. The whole game.

The game doesn’t get more simple than this. You hold the frog in place and the game inserts a soda straw up its rectum. Then you blow into the iPad microphone. When you release the frog it propels itself into the pond.

An ace panel of three expert frogs judge you for distance travelled and bubbles farted once the frog lands. The further the distance and more bubbles erupting the better your score, up to three 7s.

Does this panel of judges remind you of any popular reality shows? These judges don’t look for voice control or dance moves; just distance and bubbles.

Maybe I exaggerated slightly. You can also crap out. Kind of like hitting over 21 in Blackjack. In this case if the frog travels too far, the birds snatch him up and fly away with him. You, in turn, are immediately disqualified.

That’s not the worst that can happen. You could blow your frog up so much he explodes and lands on a plate of frog legs in a French cafe. (Frog legs? France? Get it? Puerile, yes?)

Blow too hard and the frog explodes.

The game could be grosser, I will admit. It never descends to the level of Kitty Carnage, or perhaps it was Kitty Katcher, where blood, bones and viscera splatter across the pavement. In fact, nothing about the graphics are really even gross.

Still, I can’t help but wonder when the ASPCA will take on iPad apps that promote virtual cruelty to animals. We all know that to a certain mindset the point of the game will be to explode the frogs. And even the idea of inserting a straw in a frog’s rectum seems to stretch the bounds of decency.

It may be virtual torture, but it’s still torture, no matter how funny it seems in the game. So as much as I might want to let Blow Up Frog off the hook as obnoxious, gross and dumb, it’s also more than a little disturbing.

Jenny doesn’t mind. And I’m sure the frog would prefer the straw to being batted around by 15 front claws. But still, shouldn’t we reach a point where we expect better of ourselves?

Jenny Manytoes rates Blow Up Frog

Forget Jenny Manytoes. She’s a cat, which means when it comes to fragile and helpless creatures (who have actually been born), she’s as cold hearted as any Republican. It’s just the way cats are wired. Me, I would hope she would evolve to a point where she might bunch her tail at Blow Up Frog. But it won’t happen in this reality.

But if I was still fifteen, I would probably not be anymore evolved than Jenny and we would both have enjoyed it thoroughly.1

1Carol was disturbed by the fact that Jenny didn’t actually rate the app. I merely said what I would hope she rated it. But Jenny was adamant. She would not rate the app. She thought it puerile.
So obviously Jenny and Carol have been talking since I can’t imagine where else Jenny would have learned the word “puerile.” You, on the other hand will just have to decide whether puerile means “nap” or “litter box.”back

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System

Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat

  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she’s in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she’s very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it’s okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don’t think I need to explain this one.


About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
This entry was posted in 2 Stars - Raised Tail, Entertainment, Games, Time Wasters and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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