Boss Smacker: The employees’ evaluation

Announcement: My new blog Righteous Indigestion: Reflections of a BPK officially launches May 21. If you know what’s happening on May 21 you’ll probably know why I chose that date of all dates. But I am pre-launching with a post announcing the official launch at bpkblog. Please drop by. You will find more of what you find here, just without the iPad reviews.


Spoiler alert! There isn’t much to boss smacker. You smack the boss and push him off a cliff. How much will you enjoy it? How badly do you want to smack your boss?


You would think that with all of the stuff Jesus said, he would have had something to say about bosses, but he says remarkably little.

Okay, there’s a parable about investing the talents for your master, another one about tending your vineyards, and a third about how a boss can pay non-union labor the same wage no matter how much or little they work.

To hear the Republicans describe unions, that’s actually how they operate, you have to pay them whether they work or not, which is why Republicans hate them. But according to that parable at least, this is perfectly okay.

You could talk about the golden rule, but that applies to everybody (which, to most of the bosses I’ve worked for exempts them since they were named specifically).

But that’s about it for bosses. Jesus had far more to say (and less kind things to say for that matter) about pharisees and hypocrites. I pondered this for a long time and the only reason I could come up with is this: Jesus never had a boss. If he had, he would have had a lot more things to say about them.

Like:

  • Don’t be a bonehead.
  • You wouldn’t have a business if it wasn’t for your employees so give them some respect.
  • You know how much you hate your boss? That’s how much your employees hate you.
  • .

Oh, yes, and

  • The golden rule applies to you too.
  • Especially you.

What am I thinking? If Jesus had a boss he would never have had the time to save the world from sin. He would be too busy working unpaid overtime, cleaning up his boss’ messes, attending pointless meetings, answering pointless emails and memos and—in his spare time—sprawled on his couch in exhaustion watching football and praying Monday would never come.

That’s why we need apps like Boss Smacker. Because you can’t take off in the middle of the day to blow off steam.

Unless you are the boss.

I know it’s not game day Friday and that, technically, Boss Smacker is a game. But if we wanted to get philosophical, Boss Smacker hardly qualifies as a game because it’s impossible to lose. It doesn’t matter how much or how little you smack the boss, you win.

Games also should present players with a challenge. There’s no challenge to Boss Smacker. Those bosses just pop up and sit there waiting for you to smack them. Which is what makes Boss Smacker the perfect stress reliever whether you smack him on your iPad or on the iPhone you’re hiding under your desk.

Best of all, it’s only a dollar. Far cheaper than beer, liquor by the drink, therapy or unemployment caused by telling the cheap bastard exactly what you think of his (or her) latest idea to generate revenue by cutting back hours, reducing staff and having you spend your weekends on street corners handing out flyers to promote the business.

The rules to Boss Smacker are simple. You have thirty seconds and three lives to smack as many bosses as you can. If you miss a boss, you lose a life. The good news is, even when you run out of lives you can keep smacking. And you always win whether you smack four bosses or forty.

The goal is to smack as many bosses as you can in thirty seconds. If you miss, you lose a life.

When the game is over, you always go to the next level: Pushing your boss off a cliff. Here is the level where you can exercise some creativity. You can just shove him off. You can nudge him off. You can dangle him screaming at the edge. It’s up to you.

The winning level allows you to hurl the boss off a cliff.

How slick is this game? Not at all. The designer can’t even spell. The instructions tell you to smack the boss when he appears “threw the window.”
You can see pixelation at the edges of the graphics and you can’t restart without rebooting the app. This should come as no surprise. Boss Smacker was developed with Gamesalad, which is like Flash for people who can’t even write:

print “Hello world.”;

But it is only a dollar. It probably should be free, but isn’t it worth a buck to smack that smug grin off your boss’ face?

Jenny Manytoes rates Boss Smacker

Jenny Manytoes would take a nap next to Boss Smacker. But if there were a version named People Who Don’t Feed You or Pet You Even Though You’re Completely Endearing Smacker, she would definitely purr.

The Jenny Manytoes Rating System


Jenny Manytoes, our polydactyl cat
  • When Jenny makes biscuits on a product she thinks she’s in heaven.
  • When Jenny purrs over a product she’s very happy.
  • When Jenny naps next to a product it’s okay with her.
  • When Jenny bunches her tail she can live with a product, but she has higher expectations.
  • When Jenny leaves it in the litter box….I don’t think I need to explain this one.

Contact me at Email iPad Envy, or
Email The Hidden Grimoire.

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About Phillip T Stephens

Phillip T. Stephens disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle twenty years before he was born, creating a time travel paradox so confusing it remains unspoken between physicists and sci-fi writers to this day. Follow @stephens_pt
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